Bangkok

Day 1

Ian Wright sat next to me on the plane

After a 2 hour you-won't-get-jack-shit-from-us flight from Shingapore, I took the airport bus to Sukhumwit to get to Suk 11, a backpackers hostel on soi 11 that I had intended to stay in. But it was full so headed for soi 13 and settled for The Miami.
Melros Place minus the beautiful people(top), my funky room @ The Miami(bottom)


Retro booths(top), friendly bar staff


It is very retro with a 50's styled diner and a pool in the centre that made the place look a bit like Melrose Place. The room looked pretty worn and the bed was lumpy, though it was clean and had air-conditoning. I must say its a pretty down and out place that had seen better days(apparently it was popular with GIs when they were in Bangkok during the Vietnam war).

The place kinda of depressed me so i dumped my stuff and headed out for lunch. The last thing that I ate was a bowl of piping hot porridge from the Changi Airport cafeteria that scalded my mouth. So that's almost almost 5 hours without sustinance. I walked under the hot sun exploring roadside stalls but decided that i was not ready for street fare just yet. So I walked towards Siam square and where i remembered a food court, but ended up in a posh Zen-inspired, Marche-like food court. It had a pretty global selection but i decided on the local fare.


I had a pork red curry with steamed fish cake and papaya salad and watermelon smoothie. The curry had chillies floating in it that looked like peas but were not too firey. I was surrounded by expats who were feeding their offspring pizzas and other kiddie staples and locals stuffing their faces with naan and pasta. It was a pretty good meal in a chi chi setting. And all for just 189 Baht.

I decided to pamper myself with a massage in a day spa place. I choose an aroma therapy massage that was ok but felt that the massuse could have put more pressure while massaging.

Day 2
I got up too late to do an early morning Chatuchak visit that I had planned for so that i could beat the crowds and the heat. The uncomfortable bed and poor air-conditioning at The Miami was to blame for that.


The best pisang goreng in the world!


Bland char siew noodles, needs lard!

So after breakfast of pisang goreng and char siew noodles. I made my way to the mother of all markets. The heat at Chatuchak was simply unbearable. The spread out market the size of god-knows-how-many football fields had low-rise canopies that shaded its tenants from the sun, which in turn also traps heat generated by hot and flustered shoppers.

Yes, you can even get pussy at Chatuchak.

I made a mental note to myself to search for the duck briyani food stall that i ate at on my last trip but didnt bother as i was still full from a late breakfast and was snacking on other stuff.


Thai fish cakes(top) and crab snacks(below)


Three t-shirts, a bag of crab snax, and countless fruit smoothies later, I found myself back in the food section near the entrance of Chatuchak itching for somthing exotic to devour. But I was such a pussy(I am not Anthony Bourdain) and had the local satay with sticky rice, which I ta-paued and took it back to my room at The Miami to eat.

It was pretty sweet, like teriyaki sauce, but after picking out the loads of skin that was skewered between the flesh, I headed out for more sustinance and had a bowl of young tau fu followed by some beef noodles.


Yums

I thought i died and gone to msg heaven


DAY 3

Not everything in Bangkok comes in mini sizes

I did pretty much nothing today. Got up late, had breakfast of mini char kway and han cheem peng with piping hot coffee that was served in a plastic cup that was impossible to hold, all from cheap and good roadside stalls. I walked over to Suk 11 to see if they had rooms. And they did so i troded back to The Miami to get my stuff.I got a mild case of the shits not long after, which i think was the doing of the coffee. So after a few shits, i packed my stuff, bid farewell to the grotty Miami and moved over to Suk11. The room I got there was small, clean and basic but the air-conditioning was fucked. So I went down 4 flights of stairs and asked for another room. While the young in keeper went about sorting my room, I decided on having lunch in their quaint little cafe.


Cosy Suk 11(top) and Suk 11 cafe meal(bottom)


The food was alritght but i think it was more of a novelty eating there, as prices were a bit higher and they served the dishes in little tiffin carriers. The minced pork with basil on rice was a bit oily but edible, but the wontons were just wanton. After the meal I went to my newly allocated room, which was not yet cleaned. But I didn't want to go down 4 slights of stairs to complain so i just cleaned it myself. While transfering some of my unpacked luggage, I picked up a ziplock bag containing my shaving razor. It was weighed down by a bottled of sunblock(that i didn't use) and the razor sliced thru the plastic and a generous piece of skin, which bled for a good few minutes.

Delish!


After saying my cheebais and shit-fuck arse holes, i did my laundry with a heavily bandaged finger and later went on to sleep in cool air-conditioning. Got up a while later and headed to Patpong to get a massage(legit one of course) and dinner. I was recommended Ruen-Nuad massage and yoga in Thanon Convent, which was in a quaint wooden house behind a fancy restaurant. I had a tradational Thai massage that cost me abt $350 Bhat. As I climbed the stairs and entered the massage cubicles, I could hear a Japanese tourist heave sighs and grunts of esctacy, almost like that that made during coitus. Alas i didn't make sounds like that but felt very good after the massage.I also tipped the massues and left walking upright and refreshed.


I stumbled across a gem of a food cart back at the beginning of Thanon Convent. It was basically a noodles stall, but it had stewed pig trotters too. I pointed to the vendor my desire to have a combination of kway teow and stewed pork which she delightfully dished up and came with a generous portion of kang kong.


As I ate my noodles with great fervor, i noticed a trannie who had just finished eating her meal. I was sweating like a pig while the trainnie didn't even break into a sweat. She was coolly gazing in front of her. Perhaps its a higher state of conciousness that trannies can achieve to prevent perspiring so that their heavy make-up won't run. By the time I had finished my noodles, my face and scalp was dripping wet.

DAY 4
I got up at 6.30am. Almost every Singaporean male would have been there as part of their national service training in the army, but not me as my posting in NS did not involve wearing green. So as i boarded the slow train with a copy of The Nation in hand, I noticed a group of locals and their pet puppy. The Thais love taking pets with them on trips.


This puppy was probably passed around the group of travellers more than the village whore.


After a slow 4 hour train journey, I went to a local guest house for lunch after which I rented a bike and rode around the town to get to the River Kwai bridge. It was bloody hot.


The infamous bridge seem from the war museum

The first floor of the war museum near the bridge. This display shows weapons used by the Japanese.

Mural on the 2nd floor of the war museum showing Miss Thailands from 1932 to present. Go figure.

The bus journey back was a killer. Almost as long as the train ride, the "air-conditioned" bus was was like a sauna to me. I dunno how the locals stay cool without breaking into a sweat. My brow was consistently wet from the non-stop perspiration. After getting off the sauna on wheels, i headed to the nearby coffeeshop for what i was craving for all day. Minced chicken with basil on rice, topped with a crispy on the edge mata lembu. But what i ended up with was chicken fried rice.... The tuk tuk ride back to Suk 11 reminded me that Songkran is just a day away.

Revellers on the street and on the back of their pickup trucks were already wetting the city.

DAY 5
Today is Songkran. Little did I know that it was not just a nation-wide wet t-shirt contest but also the Thai New Year. So after a boring breakfast of tea and toast at Suk 11 with annoying Americans who would not shut up, I headed out to the Siam Suqare to see if there was any decent shopping to be done. But not before one of the staff at Suk 11 smeared my cheeks with a cooling white paste, kinda like bedak sejuk, part of the new year getup. I didnt get too wet walking down the soiu to get to the BTS station, and headed down to Siam Square for a spot of shopping. Most of the shops there were closed so i headed across the road to the bigger malls. After abt 2 hours of mindless consumerism, I had a pretty simple lunch at an MBK foodcourt that consisted of a papaya salad , soup and rice and veg stir-fry with fried fish fillets(below).About the same price as the meal I had in The Food Loft but not as nice....


After deciding not to get my back waxed(it's cheap at MBK)I decided to head down to Patpong to buy some dvds before my depature but none of the roadside vendors were around as the place was flooded with crazed new year revellers. Almost everyone had a bucket, bottle or super soaker.






High rise water sports!

After taking some pictures and getting very wet, I headed back to Suk 11 to pick up my stuff and head to the airport. I walked over to the bus-stop to catch the airport bus. A guy next to me was in a friendly New Year mood. We made small talk. A woman carrying a bottle of water walked down the street towards the bus-stop. She looked tired but happy after a day of wet revelry. As she wished each person sitting at the bus-stop a Happy New Year in Thai, she also poured a token amount of water on their shoulder. When she came to me, she hesitated. I smiled at her, she wished me New Year greetings, wet my shoulder and went on her way. Perhaps Songkran also signifies cleansing and starting anew. Well I dunno really, but i was begining to like staying wet in this unbearable heat.

I waited about half an hour for the airport bus. I checked if i had enough Baht for a cab. I did, so I flagged one down. The guy wanted 300Baht, I said 200. He 300 and he will pay toll. I say 200 and i will pay toll. He agreed. I got in and he asked for the cash upfront so he can pay for the toll. After i handed him the cash he said he won't go by the highway. The bastard said that he dlive vely fas, no jam. I kept my cool. I wondered if he was going to take me somewhere so i could be robbed of every baht. He didn't. And true to his word, wearrived to the airport pretty quick. The arsehole even made friendly small talk with me, asking if i was married or had kids. Guessed he sensed that I was putting a hex on him. Perhaps its highly inauspicious being hexed on Songkran.

It was less than an hour before the flight was to depart. I headed to the check in counter. There were no passengers. I froze. Was I too late? I put my bags thru the x-ray and walked over to the counter. The counter staff smiled. I smiled back in relief. Checked in my stuff and ran up to the restaurants to grab a bite. I ordered a take-away pad thai fettuccini to eat on the plane. After I picked up the food and hurried though immigration and walked a great distance to get to the waiting lounge. As I in arrived in the waiting lounge, an announcement was aired, saying that the flight was delayed. So i plonked myself down and ate my fusion meal. The meal was interesting. It had a combination of sweet, nutty, salty and sour. The fettuccini was al-dente and very satisfying(below)



Half and hour later the plane was ready for boarding. The plane was half full and my reqest at the check-in counter for a seat at an emergency exit in the middle of the aircraft(more leg room) turned out to be a seat at the very rear. I didn't really mind anymore as i had all 3 seats to myself. And I also met Irene who is a friend of Shan's who now works with the local frillless airline. She just started bitching to me in Singlish abt stuff and I did the same, and strangely it all felt very comforting.

10 things I must do/eat the next time i go back to BKK:
1. Sticky rice with mango
2. Those plastic-looking edibile minature vegatables
3. Pineapple rice(if it even exists there)
4. Non-touristy seafood
5. Trannie noodles!!!!!
6. Get my back waxed
7. Get at least one massage every other day
8. Have at least one exotic meal that I haven't tried before every other day
9. Pack everything in ziploc bags if i go during Songkran
10. Avoid taking taxis to the airport